41: A new beginning
Finally, a faint light at the end of the long dark...
I painted this two days ago, on that day which felt holy, and filled with promise. By long dark (in my title), I don’t mean as in winter, as I often call winter in Canada. I mean a long dark tunnel of self-doubt. I can see light to head towards now.
On this day, I had been out for an early walk, collecting some fresh leafy maple, birch, and other branches and grasses. I didn’t even take the time to forest bathe, but I did see our pond’s first Cobra Chickens (aka Canada Geese) in the water with their babies, which made my walk feel it carried even more gravitas for new beginnings. I was a woman on a mission. A mission from ‘Gad’ as Dan Ackroyd called it in The Blues Brothers. It felt holy, after all.
When I got home, I put the branches I’d cut in water and took out a sheet of 12x18 mineral paper and began. Here is a video of the process, though I have such a crap setup I couldn’t capture the whole sheet. (I’ll be working on that… it never ends.)
I’m actually very pleased with the lightness and the spring feel of it. Although the branch itself didn’t press and therefore most of the leaves didn’t too, the way they seem to ‘materialize in the sky’ makes me happy.
I wonder, should I be as forthcoming about how I feel as I have been?
A few days ago, as I was preparing a new art promotion, I got a bit of kickback from, of all things, Arty, my AI marketing bot. It said: “Trim some of the self-doubt language. A little vulnerability is good, but too much “I’m afraid I lost it / paintings getting worse / I’m done” can weaken the sense of momentum. Keep the struggle, but end each section with forward motion.”
He might have a point, but I would like to know what you think. I have felt like putting into words what many of us feel is not a bad thing, but maybe it makes me appear uncommitted to my art. I assure you, I’m not, but I did take this absenteeism from paint hard, because it went on for so long. I am nothing if not determined to move through this.
I would wager every artist has doubts at least some of the time. So please weigh in if. you have an opinion.
To get to the beauty, I had to go back to how I started
The above didn’t happen without several days of first disappointment, then slow progress. I’m not even a hundred percent sure of the order I painted these in, but though I see inklings of the process of old, and even some loveliness. Here’s a gallery of what I created, until I had my eureka moment of realizing I would have not been using my tube paint watery colours, in 2024 I only had liquid watercolours and acrylics. And it all came together.
I still want to get the clarity and intensity of colour I used to get with my ‘sandwiching’ method, so will be trying again on cotton paper. Maybe I will even finally lock into the less is more theory of art and all things.
Attraversiamo!
I’ve definitely crossed over the threshold, Liz Gilbert, thank you! I’m excited to paint again. Not that I want to paint like I did in the beginning per se, but I want to get back to making clear and intense colours and rely less on metallics. The big swathes of it above were me trying powdered metallic watercolours. They are surprisingly intense when I use too much!
So I thank you for reading, if you’ve read to the end. I have a little giveaway coming up that I hope to get out next week. It’s a birthday promotion I wanted to do for my actual birthday, but family duty called, so I’m doing it now. I still want to commemorate stepping into my third act with you. Until next time… 💕
Hi, I’m Kathy Mercure. Welcome to Broad Life! I’m a painter of mostly watercolour and a writer of mostly my thoughts. I am originally from Vancouver, BC, Canada, but have lived in lots of places and now in Moncton, NB. I’m combining my first love of writing, with my newer love of art here on Musings From the Art Den, because I don’t want to either to think I’m cheating.
To be completely transparent, honest - I struggle to connect with people that almost always present the following - things are running smooth; there are no trials or tribulations (only shining opportunities); dark days rarely touch them. You see I know few want negative thoughts but if 95% of the substacks I read are devoid of struggles and they have all the right words spun positively… I can’t easily relate. We all have things we deal with - being open, honest, and yes vulnerable means we see REAL, feel their humanity. Possibly if more shared what is really going on… we could hold each other up. I do better in my head as I see how others overcome whatever they are going through and I connect. Message me anytime!
This painting is absolutely breathtaking, the restraint you showed with that limited palette paid off so beautifully, and the way those leaves seem to just materialize in the sky feels incredibly magical and light.
To answer your question: please, please do not listen to that AI bot! The fact that you are so beautifully forthcoming about your struggles is exactly why your art and your words touch people so deeply.
It doesn't make you look uncommitted at all; it shows how deeply you care about your craft. True creative momentum isn't about pretending the dark tunnel doesn't exist; it’s about sharing the journey until you find the light again, just like you did here.
Seeing you step into this next chapter with so much determination and grace makes me so incredibly happy. Attraversiamo, my beautiful friend! I am cheering you on every single step of the way. 💕🎨