28: Big Broads do cry...

I have said many times before, I feel in song lyrics. So what does a Broad do when everything feels like it's teetering? This is what it sounds like, when Broads cry.

The year started off without a bang, because fireworks are a summer thing here, but it was filled with momentum and vigour; my website was days away from completion, I had just launched my Year of the Broad blog, claiming my third-act was becoming the Broad I recognized as someone I wanted to be when I grew up. It feels right.

But then, two nights of very poor sleep and one email exchange that left me with that feeling of being too much, and I let the whole Imposter Syndrome thing swiftly kick the legs out from under me. All the confidence that seemed to fit like a bodycon dress suddenly felt like I was showing all my bumps and bits because I forgot my Spanx. (Don’t worry, I have never and I’m pretty confident in declaring this Broad will never — nor has she ever — wear/worn a bodycon dress, or Spanx.)

I’ve been doing some 2026 earthy colour palettes with a hit of Kathy. It’s really easy to reach for old favourites and I am not a fan of repetition, leading to stagnation. I also love how the detailed impressions left in paint, often stun me.

I’ve been following and doing some of the work of Monica Hebert (intentional breathing to recalibrate my nervous system, listening in more), who has The Daily Rewire here on the ‘stack. I love her simple, plain-spoken way of being and she’s definitely a Broad to me. I love her Joy Ledger. It’s a great way to find it when there doesn’t seem to be much around (hint: there always are moments of joy, if we’re present enough to recognize them).

But there doesn’t seem to be any surer way of knocking me off my axis than lack of sleep. I get cranky, weepy, crave comfort foods like nobody’s business, and I struggle to want to do anything but soak in my lukewarm misery.

I’m pretty even-keeled, for the most part. I don’t generally go too high, or sink too low, but sometimes I get overwhelmingly excited about what I’m doing and I spin up to the heavens. When the inevitable stabilizing happens, it sometimes feels like a crash, especially on little sleep.

Just before removing the plants… I actually got so caught up in busyness, I let these over-dry and that means the more delicate laves and ferns often stick. Not fun! I really like this colour palette!

Here’s the thing: Broads still feel very deeply; they’re just okay with handling the messy feelings…

So yeah, I may have shed a few tears, feeling sorry and scared for myself at just how quickly it hit me, but, it’s a good thing. I’m glad it happened now, instead of when I was used to not being so affected by my feelings.

It’s a really hard time in the world right now and some days all I can say about that, is that I’m glad I don’t have children to worry about leaving behind when I die. I don’t know how parents and grandparents do it… I feel it for my nieces and nephews who have kids of their own. I think I’ve read far too much Margaret Atwood and her dystopian futures. Her books and disaster movies are why I stopped reading and watching for a while. They always have a hint of truth to them.

So, I let myself feel the feelings, because feelings are real and I need to honour them, because they weren’t honoured for a really long time.

I like that this has more brown than yellow. This one gave me a new idea… I’m going to try it today. If it works as well as I hope it will, it will be a new era in botanical impressions over at Kat Paints Watercolour.

This is what I did to help myself through the down…

Besides allow myself to feel the feelings and journal through the worst of them, I’ve realized and accepted that I have become addicted to my phone. Constantly checking for those red dots to see who responded, what I need to answer, even who liked what I did or said. It’s crazy-making stuff for me.

If you read my blog regularly, you may remember that I changed my sleep schedule to match my true earlybird-ness at the end of last year. When I’m in a state of fearing the unknown… I tend to get panicked and reactive. But I know I have to keep moving forward if I want success, so I took action. I set my phon’s sleep schedule to include three additional hours of focus time in both the morning and evening, so I can breathe. Very little of what I get is something I have to attend to now, and zero of it is life-threatening. It gives me time to have my slow, meditative and percolative morning, and allows me to read in the evenings, which is my favourite way to lose myself to relaxation.

I’m happy to report, I’m doing quite well at only checking my online presence once, maybe twice a day. If you’re looking for a response, hopefully this helps you to understand me.

There is a lot of it going on in my life now, particularly entering a self-marketing phase. Thankfully the company I signed up with (Art Storefronts) does the marketing for me, as part of my package of services. Not to say I won’t do some on my own, but it’s a relief. Selling is not my strong suit, especially when it’s me I’m selling. But there is still a learning curve and I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay not to be perfect.

I love the detail in this one too! I didn’t know Ginko trees actually grew here, until a friend who used to do international work and has seen them before, picked some and dried them for me. The regular leaves are also from a friend. I can’t remember what she said they were, but they’re wrinkly and so cool! I love it that I have peeps all over Canada now who will do this for me. Thank you!

All to say, 2026, will have times of both light and dark, but I am reconfirming my choice to let the light in through the cracks in my heart. Because protecting it didn’t really work all that well so far…

It’s okay to have bad days, because there are good days to offset them. What I think is true badass Broadness, it not letting the bad days close my heart. It may bleed sometimes, but it’s part of what makes me who I am. It’s not shameful to feel deeply. It makes me human and caring. And if I sometimes retreat into myself when it happens, that’s okay too.

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Oh, and if you want to see my new and final website, here’s a link.

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Hi, I’m Kathy Mercure. Welcome to BROAD LIFE!

I’m a painter of mostly watercolour and a writer of mostly my thoughts. I am originally from Vancouver, BC, Canada, but have lived in lots of places and now in Moncton, NB. I’m combining my first love of writing, with my newer love of art here on Musings From the Art Den, because I don’t want to either to think I’m cheating.